photo: Beau B

They get paid the big bucks, they can dedicate their life to their writing, and they're probably just plain better than us. Don't let this idea get you down because it's only part of the truth.

Though professional television writers do have all the money and access to stars, you are free from certain strictures they must writer under.

No FCC, Lawyers

The federal government regulates network television, soon possibly cable TV. Writers have decency, obscenity, and profanity limitations they must abide by. These aren't just arbitrary creative limitations, they are backed by the power of large fines and license revocation. Television networks are also vulnerable to lawsuits from trademark and copyright holders. Every mention of a real product, real company, or real service must be cleared with the legal department. You can't just make an offhanded remark about McDonald's, you have to get their permission to do so.

Advertisers

Another onerous restriction network television writing has to work within is the constant presence of advertisers and their agendas. They can't veer too far in an offensive direction for fear of the advertisers being seen as responsible for the content and thus diminishing their reputation. There are certain subjects and situations that advertisers just will not allow. A story can't explore very deeply America's problem with prescription drugs if one of the sponsors of the show is Pfizer.

Star Input

As much as writers like to hope they will be the ultimate authors of their material, there are people who can rewrite them at will. Network television shows usually have stars and sometimes these actors can be temperamental and difficult to please. If a line that gets a lot of laughs is said by a bit player who will only appear in a single episode, an insecure star could demand that they say that line instead. This may require some rewriting for it to make sense. Often television shows depend on fickle personalities to hold them together, so the star's wishes will probably become reality.

Head Writers

Most writers for network television shows don't get to write anything they want to. They do have input and can make their opinions known, but ultimately they don't make important decisions. An executive producer or head writer is the one that decides what is to be written and how it is to be written. So writing in network television you are basically an extension of the head writer’s sensibilities. You are paid to help them write the show they have in their head, not for you to express yourself in any way you'd like.

When you look at it this way it makes sense why writing for network television is such a lucrative profession. They want the most creative of writers, but they want them to be able to control their creativity. They love it when the writers can come up with crazy ideas, but they don't want them too crazy. So next time you think to yourself how great it would be if you could write for a big show on a big network, remember all the stuff they have to deal with that you don't and use that to make something they never could.